Bloggaday 309 – SotW 30: Jar of Hearts pt 1
By David “Stuffing Your Wife’s Stocking” Dysart
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Tom: Ho ho ho!
Chuck: …ome to this special, Christmas edition of the Song of the Week.
Tom: Well, does that mean we have some special, holiday songs to give all of the good little boys and girls?
Chuck: I wouldn’t know. You handle the songs, not me.
Tom: Ho ho ho! It doesn’t sound like you’re filled with the Christmas spirit, Chuck.
Chuck: Please stop talking like that.
Tom: Do you know who is spilled with the Christmas spirit, Chuck?
Chuck: Why are you doing this to me?
Tom: Well it was your wife, Chuck.
Chuck: Really? Wife jokes again? I thought we go-
Tom: Why just last night, I visited your house, and was greeted with milk and cookies!
Chuck: That’s nice, Tom.
Tom: But you weren’t there. Why not, Tom?
Chuck: I had to go out to Palm Desert for a couple of days.
Tom: Well, your heat was out, so I had to keep your wife warm aaaallllll night.
Chuck: I’m sure you did.
Tom: I know it’s a bit early, but I also filled your wife’s stocking.
Chuck: Why, that’s nice of you, Tom.
Tom: Yep. I filled it to the furry brim.
Chuck: Really, you shouldn’t have.
Tom: It was so full, my nuts were right there hanging out. I guess you could say I was nuts-deep.
Chuck: Nuts-deep? Really?
Tom: Yeah, but that was just some of the treats I brought. First, to make sure the stocking was ready for me, I had to stick my fingers in.
Chuck: Of course you did.
Tom: But to my surprise, my whole hand went right in.
Chuck: I’m sure.
Tom: I don’t think I was the first to stuff her stalking that night.
Chuck: Yeah, apparently she’ll do that to ya.
Tom: Ho ho ho! I didn’t mind though. Once I saw her ho face, I just kept going.
Chuck: Thanks for not making that a silent “h,” Tom.
Tom: No problem, Chuck. As I was saying. As I started stuffing your wife’s stocking, she started reading from the Bible.
Chuck: The Bible?
Tom: Well, I didn’t recognize the verse or anything, but she kep-
Chuck: Anything else?
Tom: Oh, the stocking! I started of with a jumbo-sized candy cane.
Chuck: Candy cane you say?
Tom: Yes, indeedy. I made sure to wrap it before I stuck it in. I didn’t want any germs or nasty bacteria to get on it or anything.
Tom: What’s that, Chuck?
Chuck: I’m just wondering if the hook in your candy cane got caught on anything.
Tom: Oh… Well, my candy cane doesn’t really hook at the end.
Tom: It does kind of have a… slight curve up, but no hook.
Chuck: I’m sorry to hear that.
Tom: Oh, not at all. It’s good for stocking stuffing. Hit’s the spot, don’t you know.
Chuck: And with that, we’re out of words. Come back tomorrow for part two of Song of the Week 30. As always, I’m Chuck.
Tom: And I’m San Tom
Tom: Oh, sorry. I’ve been studying Japanese lately. It kind of means “Mr.”
Chuck: Then wouldn’t it be Tom San?
Tom: Why’d you have to go and ruin it, Chuck. You’re a real dou-
Chuck: Aaand have a great day, everyone.
Curtain Call By Maroon 5
Learn about the finer points of “stocking stuffing,” only on Bloggaday
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New to the Bloggaday? These are the essential posts to see
158 – Boxer V Brief – Short, concise joke machine and a DYNAMIC ENTRANCE! to my favorite Bloggadays of the Second Trigaday
159 – A Phthalates-filled Sbarro Breadstick – This was just a funny Bloggaday despite the essence being something no one will get unless the look up what a phthalate is
174 – FNtCCA,aToTbDD– While I think it’s clear I rarely EDIT the Bloggaday, this train-of-thought post shows how much I have to FILTER it…
183 – SotW 13 – This one had it all. Pretty much every bit that’s been a major player in the SotW made its way into this one, so it’s a good one to try.
134 – SotW 5 – This particular Song of the Week featured the characters a bit truer to their original concept. After a while, I started liking Tom too much and changed him a bit which caused changes to Chuck.
227 – PWND: TSHBRotCCPS pt16 was some solid fiction content. Plus, that was probably some of the finest Final Thought I’ve ever thought up.
Close the screen, the awesome’s getting out