Saturday, January 1, 2011

Bloggaday 309 – SotW 30: Jar of Hearts pt 1 By David “Stuffing Your Wife’s Stocking” Dysart

Bloggaday 309 – SotW 30: Jar of Hearts pt 1

By David “Stuffing Your Wife’s Stocking” Dysart



Red Hot Chili Peppers



Deep Purple

Ain’t No Grave


Johnny Cash

Jar of Hearts


Christina Perri

Chuck: Welc-

Tom: Ho ho ho!

Chuck: …ome to this special, Christmas edition of the Song of the Week.

Tom: Well, does that mean we have some special, holiday songs to give all of the good little boys and girls?

Chuck: I wouldn’t know. You handle the songs, not me.

Tom: Ho ho ho! It doesn’t sound like you’re filled with the Christmas spirit, Chuck.

Chuck: Please stop talking like that.

Tom: Do you know who is spilled with the Christmas spirit, Chuck?

Chuck: Why are you doing this to me?

Tom: Well it was your wife, Chuck.

Chuck: Really? Wife jokes again? I thought we go-

Tom: Why just last night, I visited your house, and was greeted with milk and cookies!

Chuck: That’s nice, Tom.

Tom: But you weren’t there. Why not, Tom?

Chuck: I had to go out to Palm Desert for a couple of days.

Tom: Well, your heat was out, so I had to keep your wife warm aaaallllll night.

Chuck: I’m sure you did.

Tom: I know it’s a bit early, but I also filled your wife’s stocking.

Chuck: Why, that’s nice of you, Tom.

Tom: Yep. I filled it to the furry brim.

Chuck: Really, you shouldn’t have.

Tom: It was so full, my nuts were right there hanging out. I guess you could say I was nuts-deep.

Chuck: Nuts-deep? Really?

Tom: Yeah, but that was just some of the treats I brought. First, to make sure the stocking was ready for me, I had to stick my fingers in.

Chuck: Of course you did.

Tom: But to my surprise, my whole hand went right in.

Chuck: I’m sure.

Tom: I don’t think I was the first to stuff her stalking that night.

Chuck: Yeah, apparently she’ll do that to ya.

Tom: Ho ho ho! I didn’t mind though. Once I saw her ho face, I just kept going.

Chuck: Thanks for not making that a silent “h,” Tom.

Tom: No problem, Chuck. As I was saying. As I started stuffing your wife’s stocking, she started reading from the Bible.

Chuck: The Bible?

Tom: Well, I didn’t recognize the verse or anything, but she kep-

Chuck: Anything else?

Tom: Oh, the stocking! I started of with a jumbo-sized candy cane.

Chuck: Candy cane you say?

Tom: Yes, indeedy. I made sure to wrap it before I stuck it in. I didn’t want any germs or nasty bacteria to get on it or anything.

Chuck: HaHAH!

Tom: What’s that, Chuck?

Chuck: I’m just wondering if the hook in your candy cane got caught on anything.

Tom: Oh… Well, my candy cane doesn’t really hook at the end.

Chuck: Really?

Tom: It does kind of have a… slight curve up, but no hook.

Chuck: I’m sorry to hear that.

Tom: Oh, not at all. It’s good for stocking stuffing. Hit’s the spot, don’t you know.

Chuck: And with that, we’re out of words. Come back tomorrow for part two of Song of the Week 30. As always, I’m Chuck.

Tom: And I’m San Tom

Chuck: Santom?

Tom: Oh, sorry. I’ve been studying Japanese lately. It kind of means “Mr.”

Chuck: Then wouldn’t it be Tom San?

Tom: Why’d you have to go and ruin it, Chuck. You’re a real dou-

Chuck: Aaand have a great day, everyone.

Listening to

Curtain Call By Maroon 5

Twitter Tag

Learn about the finer points of “stocking stuffing,” only on Bloggaday

Going faster than a “Reply All” email, websites like mine will surely go your way The twits are tweeting and rss feeding I pray your mouse batteries die, and you take a tumblr Now here’s a little blog, I’ve got to tell I’m not calling you a bot, just don’t botter me

I wanna view like Youtube Shut up and let me show

What’s pickier than pickier? The Piccaday Light me up that web cam and strap a smile on my face Let the pictures hit the floor I’m gonna pack my pixels and I’m gonna go your way

New to the Bloggaday? These are the essential posts to see

158 – Boxer V Brief – Short, concise joke machine and a DYNAMIC ENTRANCE! to my favorite Bloggadays of the Second Trigaday

159 – A Phthalates-filled Sbarro Breadstick – This was just a funny Bloggaday despite the essence being something no one will get unless the look up what a phthalate is

174 – FNtCCA,aToTbDD– While I think it’s clear I rarely EDIT the Bloggaday, this train-of-thought post shows how much I have to FILTER it…

183 – SotW 13 – This one had it all. Pretty much every bit that’s been a major player in the SotW made its way into this one, so it’s a good one to try.

134 – SotW 5 – This particular Song of the Week featured the characters a bit truer to their original concept. After a while, I started liking Tom too much and changed him a bit which caused changes to Chuck.

227 – PWND: TSHBRotCCPS pt16 was some solid fiction content. Plus, that was probably some of the finest Final Thought I’ve ever thought up.

Close the screen, the awesome’s getting out

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