Bloggaday 159 – A Phthalates-filled Sbarro Breadstick
I went to the Suncoast Mall a couple of days ago. Well, it’s not called “The Suncoast Mall,” but that’s how I’ve always thought about it since it used to have a Suncoast in it. Unfortunately, they’re no longer in business. Suncoast, not the mall. Though this story would probably be much more interesting**** if I went to an out-of-business mall. Hmm, hide-n-seek? A business opportunity? “Down”?*
As fun as those possibilities are, I went to a perfectly infunct mall. Despite the first 100 words of this post, the point of this Bloggaday isn’t the mall; it’s the Sbarro inside the mall. Now if you’ve ever been to a Sbarro, you probably don’t really need to read this Bloggaday because I’m quite sure you’ve all had exactly the same thoughts, right down the Phthalates-filled Sbarro Breadstick.
If memory serves, Sbarro has been seen in countless Seinfeld episodes, but Southern Cali has got them too. It’s not really “good pizza,” but it’s really good pizza to have like twice a year. It’s basically a little bit of bread and sauce cooked with like 8 pounds of cheese, so as long as you’re not overdoing it too often, it’s good.
Whenever I went to the Ontario Mills Mall (not the Suncoast Mall), I would get their pizza and a couple of breadsticks. Now these aren’t just any breadstick; these were seasoned, parmesan cheesed crescents of ecstasy. That’s right, crescents of ecstasy. Have you ever had them? I thought so. Now shut your yap, ‘cause after all, I can’t actually hear you, so you kinda look like a dumb@$$ talking to your screen there. What’s that? The cute passenger in the aisle seat saw you talking to the screen? He/She’s chuckling/giggling isn’t he/she? Wait, he/she’s not a “heshe” is he/she? Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Wait, what was I talking about?
That’s right, Phthalates-filled Sbarro Breadsticks. Is he/she still looking? Yell it out. Do it now, you fool. Anyways, I don’t get out to the Ontario Mills Mall too often, but there’s also a Sbarro at the Suncoast Mall, so that’s where I usually get my cheese fix. Unfortunately, they changed their breadsticks.** Now they suck. They are terrible. They are big breadsticks now (which is weird since most places make changes and make things smaller to save money). They’re just these blah, rather tasteless sticks of dough. They might as well just have phthalates in them.***
Wow, I used phthalates like 4 times before I finally got to that joke. I wrote this Bloggaday because I came up with it. I liked the title so much though that I had to use it a few times.
I suppose I should just end this Bloggaday here. With all of my footnotes (which you really need to read), I’m already over 600 words. I just have one last thing to say… err type: Now hurry you damned fool, go catch that dreamy he/she. If you mention my name, you might get a discount.
Another Saturday Night by Sam and Dave
Have you ever had a phthalate-filled breadstick? No? Well, you can read about one, but only on Bloggaday
Exit stage right to my corner of the interweb > \/
http://twitter.com/daviddysart Plaster Caster Twitter Strutter
http://daviddysart.tumblr.com/ Hung My Head in a Tumblr
http://thebloggaday.blogspot.com/ A Little Less Conversation and a Whole Lotta Love
http://www.facebook.com/thedaviddysart?ref=sgm If I Never See Your Face Again
http://www.youtube.com/user/DavidDysart Still deciding to try to capture it or let it slip
For the Piccaday
http://s1000.photobucket.com/albums/af128/daviddysart/Piccaday/ Says I broke it twice, I must have done it half a dozen times
http://thepiccaday.blogspot.com/ Because Yesterdays ain’t got nothing on me
http://www.flickr.com/photos/daviddysart/sets/72157623465996877/ From the nest in the hills chillin’ with Flynt
New to the Bloggaday? These are the essential posts to see
1 The basics
3 Get PWND with story content
73 Mash-up of science and relatable humor? It’s just Bloggaday
85 Deadpan humor and drama, what more can you want?
118 Maybe some practical real world advice drowned in humor.
137 My new favorite segments, the Sotw and PoM with Tom and Chuck
129 July 23
* Want to know what “Down” is? It’ll just take 15 minutes of your time http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-sect-of-down-pt1/id287931114?i=43576699
** Or should I say, Wonderful Ecstasy Sticks?*****
*** I’m fully aware that if you let 100 people read this, only 1 of them would get that joke. Well, 2, but the other one would have thought I was talking about a shoe, so they might have laughed, but they wouldn’t have gotten what I was saying.
**** After going back, this Bloggaday was pretty good. Interesting story? Not really, but it was still amusing, and I don’t want to hear any guff.
***** Ohh, this Bloggaday isn’t exactly going to help dispel the perception of me being gay.