Bloggaday 334 – ABDF: Phone Calls and Another Day in the Life: A Bloggaday Double Feature pt 1
By David “Awkward Silence” Dysart
As absolutely none of you know, I am terrible on the phone. If you get me texting, I’m okay, but as for actual phone conversations, I’m ridiculously bad. Somehow though, that doesn’t keep me from having like 2 hour phone calls though.*
Now, if I was on the phone, cue the awkward silence for like 8 seconds. Since this is written though, I get to bore you for the next 8 sentences as you read these words. After that, I’ll bore you with more nonsense, but I would do that in a phone call anyways.
So, that should’ve been about 8 seconds. Anyways, as I was saying, I’m not very good in telephone conversations. I imagine that stems from the fact that I’m not very good in regular conversations either. >.> <.< >.<
I tend to do much better in group settings, because that allows me to just be funny here and there without actually having to contribute to the content of the conversation. Which I think somehow leads to folks liking me.
Unfortunately, I can’t just sit back on the phone and make quick little pot shots at the conversation with mediocre wit. Phone conversations also lack other attributes a face-to-face conversation has. Current and topical events can give you some material as well as assorted body language gestures can make conversations easier. And short of the phone call being in a horror movie, you’re not usually looking at each other when conversating.**
Despite all of this though, I tend to be on the phone for curiously long periods of time. And believe it or not, extended silences only account for like 70% of the seconds so slowly slipping by. That number may be high, at least the long conversations. It is funny though, because that number probably ISN’T when I get into phone calls with certain other people, but more on that in the next paragraph. Hey look! It’s right there. What a co-winkadink.
Now, chances are, you aren’t terribly awkward on the phone,*** but it’s a very funny phenomena when two people equally as inept have a phone conversation. They often last about a half an hour, almost always just a little less. >20 minutes is basically what I’m saying. But it’s not 20 minutes worth of conversation. It’s usually more like 7 or 8. By that, I mean even with some small talk fluff, the call shouldn’t last more than 5 – 10 minutes. 5 minutes if we’re running lean, 10 minutes if we’re tossing some bullshit in. But a 5-10er lasts about 25 minutes when you have two socially inept folks on a phone.
The Kids Aren’t All Right (and other Offspring songs)
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227 – PWND: TSHBRotCCPS pt16 was some solid fiction content. Plus, that was probably some of the finest Final Thought I’ve ever thought up.
* Odd, I know.
** Other notable exceptions include prison visits and visual telecommunications, which I don’t have at my disposal.
*** Though you are reading this blog, so that may indicate you have no life, which is a leading cause of phone awkwardness. So, you may know what I’m about to say.
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