Bloggaday 352 – The Third Great Trigady pt 8
By David “Neurotic And Dichotic Self-Image” Dysart
The time has come yet again for another clipshow, this time the last for Bloggaday: Year 1. There’s still a few more regular posts coming, but The Third Great Trigady is going to fill most of the remaining year. Each of these posts contain some of the best of the last third of the Bloggaday, and my new comments add up to the 500-word word count.
Enjoy a look back at the last 100 posts. Until next time…
“By David “Stuffing Your Wife’s Stocking” Dysart
Tom: Ho ho ho! It doesn’t sound like you’re filled with the Christmas spirit, Chuck.
Chuck: Please stop talking like that.
Tom: Do you know who is spilled with the Christmas spirit, Chuck?
Chuck: Why are you doing this to me?
Tom: Well it was your wife, Chuck.
Tom: Well, your heat was out, so I had to keep your wife warm aaaallllll night.
Tom: I know it’s a bit early, but I also filled your wife’s stocking.
Tom: Yep. I filled it to the furry brim.
Tom: It was so full, my nuts were right there hanging out. I guess you could say I was nuts-deep.
Tom: Yeah, but that was just some of the treats I brought. First, to make sure the stocking was ready for me, I had to stick my fingers in.
Tom: But to my surprise, my whole hand went right in.
Tom: I don’t think I was the first to stuff her stalking that night.
Tom: No problem, Chuck. As I was saying. As I started stuffing your wife’s stocking, she started reading from the Bible.
Chuck: The Bible?
Tom: Well, I didn’t recognize the verse or anything, but she kep-
Chuck: Anything else?
Tom: Oh, the stocking! I started of with a jumbo-sized candy cane.
Chuck: Candy cane you say?
Tom: Yes, indeedy. I made sure to wrap it before I stuck it in. I didn’t want any germs or nasty bacteria to get on it or anything.”
Oh, I had far too much fun doing the Christmas edition of the SotW. For those not in the know though, SotW 30 ran http://tiny.cc/Bloggaday309, http://tiny.cc/Bloggaday310, http://tiny.cc/Bloggaday312, http://tiny.cc/Bloggaday313 , http://tiny.cc/Bloggaday314.
The reason why this particular SotW ran so long is because for 4 of them, Tom is talking about how he “stuffed” Chuck’s wife’s stalking. So, if you find that sort of humor a good thing, then I would go give them a read. If, however, that’s not your thing, I would probably skip the clips from those upcoming posts, because Tom did quite the job stuffing her stocking.
“Chuck: Haven’t you humiliated my wife and I enough?
Tom: Ho ho ho! Not even close!
Tom: Yeah, as soon as I got the gingerbread package out, it was hard. (Don’t you hate it when that DOESN’T happen though?)
Tom: Yep, the gingerbread man was hard and ready to stuff your wife’s stocking…
Tom: It was stale, Chuck
Tom: You’ve got that right, Chuck. Luckily I had a toy with me.
Chuck: Oh, what kind of toy was it?
Tom: It was just a toy. Don’t push it, Chuck. But guess what!
Tom: Well, you might not know this, but it’s an old Christmas tradition to fill stocking with nuts and fruits. ( I didn’t know about the whole fruit and nut thing until my mom told me that that’s what she used to get. Well, armed with that knowledge, how do I not use it here?)
Chuck: Good Christ…mas. What fruit could you possibly have stuck in my wife’s stocking?
Tom: Well, your wife’s stocking looked like it needed a… banana!”
Well, I don’t want to spoil EVERYTHING that was said in SotW part 2, so if you want more (just like Chuck’s wife apparently), then you should definitely go read it in its entirety. And if you want to read the other parts, just go to these pages: http://tiny.cc/Bloggaday309, http://tiny.cc/Bloggaday310, http://tiny.cc/Bloggaday312, http://tiny.cc/Bloggaday313 , http://tiny.cc/Bloggaday314.
But as for this Bloggaday, I still had a blast writing it. Come on, San Tom broke Character to keep Tom in line.
“The reason why I was so nervous about this paper is because of my previous papers. The first couple of papers I got 10/10’s. I even read one of my papers out loud along with a couple of other students. My paper just before this one though, I got a 7/10.
shoes. The amalgam of swirling colors has obviously kept him safe by bewildering raging bulls despite their lack of color vision. With the bopping of his steps, they seem to leave a trail of afterimage graffiti, forever engraving themselves in the minds of innocent bystanders.”
I didn’t include that first paragraph because it was good, but because I mentioned “paper” 5 friggin times. Now, I often will drown a paragraph in a certain word over and over again because it amuses me. I don’t remember making that choice though…
AS for the description itself, I’m not sure if its any good or not. I left out a line or two that I would have liked to of included, but I’m not even sure if what I added here was really good enough for a spot on a clipshow. Well, that’s enough of gingerbread man neuroses, back to the Christmas Special
“Chuck: I hope you get esophageal cancer talking like that.
Tom: I don’t know what that is, but for your wife’s sake, I hope it’s not communicable.
Tom: Well, I had to lay down some serious pipe!
Chuck: You laid pipe?
Tom: I surely did! I knew after all of this, your wife would need a smoke, so I brought an antique smoking pipe. I knew she would love it, so I gave it to her.
Chuck: And she liked it?
Tom: I’d say. My pipe was in your wife’s mouth all night. She hardly took it out except to spit!
Tom: Well, I also brought some major lumber to the party.
Chuck: Lumber? How so?
Tom: Well, I hand-crafted a jewelry box and put a cherished family heirloom in there.
Chuck: How sweet of you, San Tom.
Tom: Yeah, I know. But just the thought of my family jewels in your wife’s jewelry box brings a smile to my face.
Chuck: But of course, there was room for one more thing.
Tom: Of course! It was tight, but I put my Prince Albert in there too.
Chuck: AH, TOM!
Tom: What? Didn’t you ever have an action figure of Prince Albert of Sax-Coburg and Gotha when you were a kid? A few years ago, your wife mentioned how much she loved the feel of a good Prince Albert, and I finally found one.
Chuck: You are an odd little man. You know that right?
Tom: Ho ho ho!
Tom: Ho ho ho! Sure you can. All Pearl Harbor’s Eve. All 4th of July’s Eve. It actually makes it better! Ho ho ho!
Jeeze, out of the gate, I’m swinging for the fences. Esophageal cancer? I’m not going to H E double hockey sticks for that, am I?
I’m sorry, but, “My pipe was in your wife’s mouth all night. She hardly took it out except to spit!” I don’t care if I am going to hell. That was funny.
As always, I didn’t copy/paste the ENTIRE thing (Just most of it), so there are a couple more jokes for those who would like to visit the post and read the whole thing. After all, you’ll never understand All Pearl(ha, there’ll be more pearls in the next SotW) Harbor’s Eve unless you read the original post.
If the entire post and the serious lumber isn’t enough for you, you can read the rest of the Christmas special at these links
http://tiny.cc/Bloggaday309, http://tiny.cc/Bloggaday310, http://tiny.cc/Bloggaday312, http://tiny.cc/Bloggaday313, http://tiny.cc/Bloggaday314.
“Tom: Well, where was I? Ah, that’s right. So far, I had put my jumbo candy cane, a hard gingerbread man, a toy, banana, Woody, a pipe, some serious lumber, my family jewels in her jewelry box, and lastly, my Prince Albert in your wife’s stocking.
Chuck: Yep. What’s next? The kitchen sink? Maybe you’re going to start herding animals two by two into my wife’s stocking.
Tom: Ho ho ho! Nothing like that. You’re wife’s stocking was at the brim! I couldn’t even get my nuts in there, so they just rested on the patch of fur on your wife’s stocking!
Tom: Well, I had to give her my package.
Chuck: Jeeze. How did I miss that one?
Tom: Unfortunately, there wasn’t anymore room in your wife’s stocking. I tried cramming it in there, don’t you know?
Chuck: Oh, no.
Tom: It wouldn’t stay though, so I had to pull out.
Chuck: No, please.
Tom: Well, your wife couldn’t wait, so she started working my package with her hands.
Chuck: Come on.
Tom: Honestly, she was so excited, she even used her mouth… To tear the wrap, I mean.
Chuck: DO you really have to do this.
Tom: I think that she liked the ribbon I tied on my package. It made it so festive.
Chuck: Uh huh.
Tom: Well, she was getting a little tired, so I helped unwrap it.
Chuck: Did you now.
Tom: Yeah, and when I finished, she was so happy to get the pearl necklace.
Chuck: You son of a… You gave my wife a pearl necklace…
Tom: Well, of course. I think she knew what was coming though. Just before I finished and pulled the wrapper off, she rested back and pulled her hair up. That’s a woman who’s gotten a pearl necklace or two, Chuck.
Tom: And have a very Merry All Christmas’s Eve.
Tom: What is it, Chuck?
Chuck: Tomorrow’s Christmas. I don’t even have a present for my wife.
Tom: Can I suggest a pearl necklace? She really seemed to love it whe-
Chuck: No! Enough with the pearl necklaces and Woodys and your hard f#$&!%@ gingerbread man! I need to concentrate now.
Tom: Hey, Chuck?
Chuck: What is it, Tom?
Tom: What did you get me for Christmas?
Music and dogs barking. Sadly, not http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xam01uaj6Vg
Listening to (cont)
Actually, fortunately it’s not http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xam01uaj6Vg
Listening to (cont)
I’d hate not to be able to write anymore Bloggadays because I blew my brains out listening to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xam01uaj6Vg
Honestly, my neurosis and dichotic self image is on a level that rivals Miske Schmidt of the 40 Year Old Boy Podcast, but I was so excited for that necklace part to come up (Bazinga). It’s been a couple of months since I wrote it, so I forgot all of the little nuances of it. It made me so happy to read it. It definitely made me feel awesome about myself (why don’t I need to be giving out gingerbread men now?). Why can’t every Bloggaday be that awesome? Well, I suppose they could all be at the same level of awesome, and I’m just grossly overestimating how much awesomeness I crammed into that particular stocking.
Believe it or not though, I don’t think I copy/pasted the entire post, so feel free to go to the post and read it. I mean, at the very least, you’ll get to reread the pearl necklace part. And come on, can you honestly tell me you DON’T want to do that?
Oh, and you can read the other Christmas Special Bloggadays here:
http://tiny.cc/Bloggaday309, http://tiny.cc/Bloggaday310, http://tiny.cc/Bloggaday312, http://tiny.cc/Bloggaday313 , http://tiny.cc/Bloggaday314.
Vultures by Nicole Atkins
The Bloggaday author found himself scorned and ostracized, only on Bloggaday http://tiny.cc/Bloggaday352
Going faster than a “Reply All” email, websites like mine will surely go your way
http://twitter.com/daviddysart The twits are tweeting and rss feeding
http://daviddysart.tumblr.com/ I pray your mouse batteries die, and you take a tumblr
http://thebloggaday.blogspot.com/ Now here’s a little blog, I’ve got to tell
http://tiny.cc/Facebook_DavidDysart I’m not calling you a bot, just don’t botter me
I wanna view like Youtube
http://www.youtube.com/user/DavidDysart Shut up and let me show
What’s pickier than pickier? The Piccaday
http://tiny.cc/Piccaday_Photobucket Light me up that web cam and strap a smile on my face
http://thepiccaday.blogspot.com/ Let the pictures hit the floor
http://tiny.cc/Piccaday_Flickr I’m gonna pack my pixels and I’m gonna go your way
New to the Bloggaday? These are the essential posts to see
158 – Boxer V Brief – Short, concise joke machine and a DYNAMIC ENTRANCE! to my favorite Bloggadays of the Second Trigaday
159 – A Phthalates-filled Sbarro Breadstick – This was just a funny Bloggaday despite the essence being something no one will get unless the look up what a phthalate is
174 – FNtCCA,aToTbDD– While I think it’s clear I rarely EDIT the Bloggaday, this train-of-thought post shows how much I have to FILTER it…
183 – SotW 13 – This one had it all. Pretty much every bit that’s been a major player in the SotW made its way into this one, so it’s a good one to try.
134 – SotW 5 – This particular Song of the Week featured the characters a bit truer to their original concept. After a while, I started liking Tom too much and changed him a bit which caused changes to Chuck.
227 – PWND: TSHBRotCCPS pt16 was some solid fiction content. Plus, that was probably some of the finest Final Thought I’ve ever thought up.
Close the screen, the awesome’s getting out